Double the life, double the trouble

To work full time or not? that is the question

2011-11-22T16:08:00.000-08:00

So I got into UAF which is really exciting because I just want to be DONE with school. I'm so over it at this point and I'm kinda mad at myself that its taken this long.
My dilemma is this, my current job will pay for my school (business degree) if i continue to work 40 hours. This was the exact same deal as my old job. I get good grades and prove to work that I'm awesome, and they pay me back. I've already been approved for a FAFSA loan which would cover all the costs up front and then work would pay me back. I'd then put all the money work would repay me and put it into an account so that when I have to start paying back those loans, I'll have all the money upfront. Sounds like a pretty good/easy deal! EXCEPT, it will continue to take me FOREVER to finish school.

My other option is to quit my job, take out loans and bust out school. I would have done this years ago but I have this immense amount of fear about taking loans out. I absolutely HATE owing people money and that would be a lot of money to owe. Plus I'm so close to paying off my car loan, it would be a huge bummer to see my debt go up again. The only reason I took out a loan for my car was because I was car less and I couldn't keep borrowing my parents cars or bumming rides off people. I'd also have to find a part time easy job so I can pay my cell phone and other essentials. I'm not sure what I would do to help out with the house bills since I currently buy all groceries, electricity and heating oil. I wouldn't want Erich to have to pay for all of that! Its another little quirk of mine, I hate depending on other people money wise. I absolutely hated it when I couldn't find a job when I first moved up here and Erich had to help me out with my bills.

I've pretty much already decided what I am going to do. I'll go to school slowly and work full time. I'm not thrilled with the idea, but I think its the best option for me at the moment. Plus, I won't really have to deal with my anxiety of having loans. I'm going to call and make an apt to see an adviser (I had to cancel my original one since the dog got spayed and was a hot mess for a week!) to see where I stand and what my options are. And back to school once again I go...

bored at work :)

2011-11-22T15:35:00.000-08:00

I'm bored at work and trying to stay awake. Damn holiday potluck for making me sleepy :)

A. Age: 25
B. Bed size: queen
C. Chore that you hate: hanging clean clothes
D. Dog: bella aka pupperoni, bellabutton, night fury, etc.
E. Essential start to your day: putting on the glasses and stretching in bed (while making dinosaur noises)
F. Favorite color: teal or gray/blue
G. Gold or silver: both
H. Height: 5'6"
I. Instruments: haha none. I'm musically challenged
J. Job title: Service Writer aka secretary
K. Kids: none
L. Live: Fairbanks, AK
M. Mother's name: Christine
N. Nicknames: Nicki, Nik, Nickle, sex kitten ha
O. Overnight hospital stays: none that I remember
P. Pet peeve: oh wow so many. is that bad? clipping your finger/toe nails at work. rude drivers!!!
Q. Quote from a movie: "is that necessary?"
R. Right or left handed: righty
S. Siblings: Older sister, jennie
T. Time you wake up: on weekdays 7:00 and weekends, as late as possible :)
U. Underwear: most of the time
V. Vegetable you hate: a lot...ill eat mostly any veggie cooked, but raw almost all of them are gross to me.
W. What makes you run late: sleep. I love to sleep! I'll wait till the very last second to get up and get ready for work. Its a horrible habit.
X. X-rays you've had: ankle
Y. Yummy food that you make: I bake pretty well. I'm also pretty good at cooking a typical "home cooked meal". Like real mashed potatoes, real gravy, etc. My dad taught me well :)
Z. Zoo animal: I love the hippos.

and that kept me entertained for a good 5-10 minutes. maybe ill actually write something interesting or finish the post i started!

Nothing like..

2011-10-05T12:59:00.000-07:00

So I never write on this blog because my life really just interesting enough anymore. anyone want to hear about how we planted raspberry bushes last week!?! Yea? No?! I'm gonna take that as a NO. Anyways, in order to get this blog back up and kickin', I thought I'd do a weekly blog post where it states some high and lows for the week! it goes a little somethin' like this:

Nothing like...getting into your car, dropping your phone and hitting you head while trying to retrieve the phone.

Nothing like...feeling the burn from a work out two days ago (thanks kate!!)

Nothing like...having a big ole' bump on my head.

Nothing like...hating your boss and finally doing something about it.

Nothing like...pulling your favorite pair of socks out your dogs butt (thanks to erich for saving the day with that one. so gross)

Nothing like...losing 4 lbs since I actually started trying to loose weight.

Nothing like...being to scared to get up this morning and run because of the nightmare you had all night about zombies (I contemplated if Bella could protect me against a city of zombies and decided that no, she could not)

Nothing like...grapes. I love me some grapes (even if the do cost an arm and a leg)

Nothing like...missing your BEST FRIENDS in the whole entire world. My heart aches that I cannot hang out with them whenever I want.

Nothing like...2 weeks without coffee. BOOYAH!!!

Nothing like...dropping all of your paper clips on the floor.

Nothing like...having your dog throw up right when you trying to leave for work.

Nothing like...a good cup of hot apple cider on a raw throat.

Nothing like...your heat not working when its 22 degrees out when you wake up. (I'm going to fiddle around with it tonight when i get home from work. If i cant get it started, i have to call the furnace guy. Two years in a row now that the heat went out while Erich was gone!)

In other news, the past week has been *sniffle sniffle sniffle* *blow nose* *sniffle sniffle sniffle* *blow nose* *sniffle sniffle sniffle* *blow nose* *sniffle sniffle sniffle* *blow nose* *sniffle sniffle sniffle* *blow nose* *sniffle sniffle sniffle* *blow nose* *sniffle sniffle sniffle* *blow nose* *sniffle sniffle sniffle* *blow nose* *sniffle sniffle sniffle* *blow nose*
Its been real fun! My poor nose is so dry and irritated.

But good news! I got into UAF. So ill probably do a blog on that soon about what needs to happen next.

Hugs & Luvs
Misses & Kisses
Nicki

Sex Advice From Your friendly Fred Meyers Clerk:

2011-04-21T13:02:00.000-07:00

I’m going to preface this with the fact that for some odd reason, Fred Meyer’s clerks always love to chat me up. Unfortunately for them, I’m usually pissed off and angry by the time I get to the cashier and strongly dislike chatting at that point. Why you ask? Well because I feel like I’ve just gone through a battle. I mean I had to fight off the large woman on isle 3 that takes up the whole space with her cart and body and when you say excuse me; she acts like she can’t hear you. Or the 5 kids screaming and running around their parents who don’t seem to give a rats ass. Or the stock guys that won’t move when you’re clearly trying to get a product right behind their palate. Im telling you, it’s a battlefield out there in Fred Meyers.

Now that you have that information, here is the good part. So one day about a week ago, Erich and I are Fred Meyers doing some shopping, which included a new work out DVD for me. It was a Dancing with the Stars one and it was the closest video they had to Zumba. Plus I had a gift card from work for my birthday so it was free. We had finished going through the battlefield and we were almost done. We were patiently waiting in line when a manager says that lane 4 can help us. “Okay sweet” we said. We walked over to lane 4 to see a large, very pale woman with red hair and thick glasses behind the cash register. We had finished unloading everything on the conveyor belt and she starts chatting us up. Instead of being a rude asshole, I oblige to converse with her even though id love nothing more to stand there in silence as she scans our items. We go over random mundane topics as the weather, the new shirts Erich is buying, the type of apples I'm buying (which by the way are Pacific Rose and A-MAZING, i'm seriously addicted and will pay a pretty penny for those babies!). Then she rings up my DVD work out video and says the most awkward thing I’ve ever had a Fred Meyers cashier say to me. Out of her mouth in her best Southern accent came “Oh honnnney, go put on some of your sexiest lingerie you own and pop this DVD in and let your man watch, he will be a happy man”. I’m pretty sure she winked at us too, but I was too stunned to know for sure. At this point I looked at Erich and he was bright red as I’m sure I was as well. I just giggled awkwardly to break the silence because lets face, we both had no idea what to say back. In my head I thought “what the hell? Who says that to a stranger? Do I look like I need sex advice? Oh shit maybe I do! Wait a minute…she did not have a Southern accent earlier!!! Was it really necessary for her to say that in a southern draw? Frankly it made it much creepier in that accent. What the hell?” So after a few awkward giggles from Erich and I (look ma, I used the correct grammar you’ve been beating into my brain since I was little!) she then had to break her own awkwardness by saying “Oh look girl, you’ve got a blusher” while pointing to Erich. So not only did she make us really uncomfortable by telling us how to get our freak on; which by the way, we don’t need help in that department, she then had to point out how awkward we felt about the whole situation. This makes me assume she knows that she is a full on creeper! Thankfully she had finally finished bagging all of our groceries and my apparent new foreplay DVD and we practically ran out that store. After enough steps away from the cashier, the only thing Erich could say was “awkward”. I concur baby, I concur. And my comment? Well I had to comment on her random ass Southern accent that magically showed up when she felt the need to verbally assault my mind.

I'm sure you’re asking yourself; so did you end up putting on lingerie and shaking your money maker while he watched? Sorry to disappoint, but I did not. And I’m pretty sure that was best for both of us. This stupid DVD that I had bought taught the moves so fast that I end up basically flailing my arms and legs around trying to catch up to the hot skinny chick in the video. And I’m no novice at dancing either. I’ve danced since I was little and have done every style you could think of. Lets just say, I'm glad Erich was not in the room with me because he would have started laughing his ass off at my attempts to do some salsa. Note to others: Dancing with the Stars DVD sucks! Buy at your own risk

Sincerely,

The girl who looks like she is desperate enough to take sex advice from a Fred Meyer’s clerk

and you thought cali drivers were bad!

2011-03-17T16:36:00.000-07:00

I am not sure if I’ve discussed the drivers in AK before. Lets just say that they are crazy. First of all, most of them drive huge unnecessary trucks. Like this one:

I kinda get it. We live in a town with almost constant snow/ice. A lot of people work in construction or need a truck to haul large items. I really do get it. But its pretty unnecessary for most of the people driving them. Plus, I see more trucks fish tail than small cars or SUV’s.

Second, why are you driving like a crazy person when there are inches of pure ice underneath your tires? Are you trying to commit suicide while endangering everyone else’s lives around you? Because I’m pretty sure you are and im positively not okay with that. This isn’t necessary. You don’t have somewhere important to go. Holy Atlanta we live in Alaska. No one ever has anything *really* important to do. If you do happen to have something really important to go to, I think my 5 miles over the speed limit is just fine for getting somewhere in an appropriate time manner. Oh and just a little FYI for you: riding my ass will only make me go the speed limit or slower. Its funny how that works!

This leads me to my third annoyance. Why oh why must you cut me off? I can accurately predict when I will get cut off now. “I’m kinda psychic. I have a fifth sense. It's like I have ESPN or something.” ~name that movie~ Its actually pretty impressive says the bf. This probably wouldn’t bother me if it weren’t incredibly dangerous with the weather conditions. Again there are inches of ice underneath those tires!

I’d rather not have to slam on brakes to avoid rear-ending you. Yanno, just a preference and all! My big gripe is that I just don’t get why its necessary. “Is it necessary to drink your own urine? No, but it's sterile and I like the taste” ~name that movie, woohoo two movie quotes in one post~ I didn’t realize that it can make a person so happy to cut someone off so they can be infront of another car. I am apparently missing out on this as I really try not to cut other cars off. Is it just me or does anybody else feel like a complete asshole when you cut another car off?! One time, I literally had a car inches away from my front bumper when they cut over in front of me to get off at the exit we were driving by. I honked miss little hyundai hallies horn so much at that car. And of course they didn’t look at me when I passed by them. SHAME! That’s what they had for breakfast!

Who knew I’d missing driving in a big city so much? Can I have traffic back? At least people were nice most of the time and let you in if you needed to cut over!

signed,
seriously annoyed driver in AK

Ancient Oven 1: The Ott/White Clan 0

2011-02-09T16:47:00.001-08:00

Let me start off by informing you of our very very VERY old oven. Im talking this could be the first oven ever made old! But it works so that’s kind of what matters to us at this point. We have priorities here people and they include hopefully a washer & dryer in our near future! These priorities definitely do not include replacing an oven anytime soon. So imagine your grandma’s oven. You know the one im talking about. That’s our oven. We’ve used it plenty of times since we’ve moved in, but we’ve never once turned on the right side burners that have a griddle top…until last night.
I’ve wanted to make cheeseburgers for a while now and I even bought fries for the occasion. Keepin’ it classy with fred meyer fries! So last night I told Erich that it’s his night to cook and im going to sweep the floors and pick up while he cooks. Good deal! So he’s made the burgers and hes cooking them on the untouched griddle top. Everything seems to be going perfectly fine. The first couple of burgers he put on are practically done. All of a sudden there is THE loudest pop and super bright sparks coming from the oven. I have never ever seen Erich jump this high in my life. Suddenly, it happens again. So he runs down to the breaker as fast as humanly possible without falling down the stairs and turns the breaker off for the oven. After about 5 minute of investigating, we see nothing is wrong and nothing is on fire. We realized this would be a good moment to bring the fire extinguisher up from the garage (why the heck is it in the garage and not in the kitchen!?!). Then we both just started cracking up! I was laughing because of how freaked out and high Erich flew and he was just laughing at our crazy old oven!
We were both a little..okay a lot worried to turn on that side of the burner so we finished the rest of the hamburgers off in a pan. Then the rest of the night was spent in our smoke filled living room (umm our fire alarms didn’t go off, im pretty sure those are on our priority list now) watching Supernatural.

I think the oven just moved up a little on that priority list of ours!

Contrary to what you might believe, I don’t live in the 1800’s!

2011-02-01T15:04:00.000-08:00

I’m writing this blog specifically because when I tell people some of the living differences up here, they are shocked! Like can’t believe people live like this shocked. I guess I was shocked at first too, but you quickly get over it and it’s just a daily part of life.

First thing, if you don’t live within the city (we live 10 minutes outside the direct city) you have to have water hauled to a tank; either above or underground, or you have a well. We thankfully have a well so we don’t have to haul or have water delivered, but when we were renting we had a water tank and had to have water delivered. A lot of people have these huge tanks in the back of their trucks..think like a hot tub but covered so the water doesn’t spill out while driving. They have water pumps which are basically gas stations for water. If you don’t haul your own water, they have big trucks like gas tanker trucks that come around to house’s and fill up your tank for you. You just call them and they come out the next day and fill however much water you want. For either of these options, it’s about 0.30 cents a gallon. Not to bad since it’s like your paying for water if you were in the city. You just have to a be a little more conscious about how much water you use and when you are getting low so you don’t run out of water. Otherwise no shower, no washing your hands and no brushing your teeth...and believe me, I learned that one very quick while at the rental! That’s why im super happy about having a well now. Granted it could dry up in a couple years, but here is hoping it doesn’t! When I told my sister I had a well, she seriously asked me if I went out every morning and filled up buckets of water and had Erich pour water over me while I showered!!!! Ummm no...It’s not that kind of well. I don’t live in the 1800’s where you have a pulley system to get water out of the well. It is 2011 after all! They have machine’s that pull water out of the well now days 

Again, if you don’t live within the city, you don’t have electric heating that you pay every month that heats your house. We have an oil tank. It’s the exact same idea as the water, except its oil. You can have it delivered or you can go to some gas stations that have the correct oil and fill up your own tank. The only difference is that oil is ridiculously expensive. Like crazy im getting ripped off, possibly might give up my first born child to have free oil for a year type crazy. Im talking $3.40 a GALLON. And guess how much most oil tanks hold? Ohhh just 300, 500 or 800 gallons. If I do my math correctly, the oil in those tanks could be worth anywhere from $1,020 - $2,720. Oh and another fun fact that I learned recently is that there is about 50 gallons on the bottom of the tank that is completely unusable. That’s almost $200 of oil I will never use. Why you ask? Because in the oil, there is lots of gunk that floats to the bottom. If you’re tank lets that gunk flow through your heating system, it will apparently clog the filter and cause other problems. JOY! Im seriously debating siphoning those 50 gallons if I ever move. Im sure they have a black market for oil. Right?! If you see me on the news in a couple years, it was just a one time deal and I just wanted my $200 back god damnit! It’s only fair that I get to use that oil since I AM paying for it! Thankfully the oil lasts us a while, but just like the water, you have to constantly check how much oil you have in your tank.

And now you’re asking yourself, well how do you check how much oil/water you have? Basically it’s the longest ruler you will ever see in your life. It’s usually got a string attached to the top so it can go all the way to the bottom of your tank. So you shove the stick down the pipe (its sticking out above ground if you have an underground tank) and then pull it up and see where the oil/water hits on the stick. Its verrrryyy scientific. There is lots of measuring and doing math to find the radius and buoyancy of the oil. Okay not really, you literally are just looking at a stick with numbers on it. I told you, verrrry scientific  and of course, you’d need two sticks so you’re not dipping your oil stick in your water tank. I can’t imagine that would be very good for you!

So those are just some of the differences I now live by. At first, it is shocking. Believe me, when I was told I had to haul water and buy oil, I thought it was super strange. And when I was told how much oil costs, you should have seen the look on my face. I think it was probably a mixture of the WTF and kill me now look.

PS I saw a moose in our drive way the other day. I tried to take a picture and it ran into the woods.

PSS Yes I live in some woods, but there are other houses nearby.

PSSS This blog will soon focus on me decorating the new house. I’ve gotten kind of obsessed with decorating on the cheap  its so much fun.

Love you all bunches and bunches of coconuts!

lynx stew anyone? how about wolf lasagne?

2011-01-10T13:36:00.001-08:00

So again it’s been a while (okay a really long time) since I posted last. Its been hectic..kind of. My main excuse is that I don’t have internet at the place we are living at now. Once we move into the new house (oh ill get to that in a little bit!), we will be connected to the world again 

Well about a month and a half ago, we found a place to rent since we couldn’t find a house and really needed to get out of Chrystal and CJ’s place so they could start the babies room. We had some of Erich’s brother’s help out and move all of our stuff from the storage unit into the new rental. Can I just say that moving in 0 degree temperatures is not my idea of fun. Body parts froze that I didn’t think could freeze! We managed to get it all moved in a couple of hours and then did the whole pizza and beer thing as a thank you to them. After about a week, we had gotten most of our stuff unpacked, furniture put together and garbage thrown away, we went and looked at a house nearby. Well to say the least, we fell in love! It was the perfect house..the house we had been looking for all along! Its 3 bedrooms plus two additional rooms and 2 baths, a huge deck, garage, great storage, brand new carpet and hardwood flooring. It was the nicest house we had seen in his price range so we swooped in and put an offer in. The accepted the offer while I was in Portland! After a couple of different counter offers from both sides, we decided on a good amount and should be closing sometime this week *fingers crossed*. I can’t wait to move in and actually have a home! Some place I can decorate and call my own. I can actually hang pictures of my friends and family! YAY!

I went to Portland for two weeks during Christmas to visit family and friends. It was just what I needed. I had been feeling lonely and sad that I don’t really have any friends up here so to see all my best friends was just what I needed! I got to see some people more than others which kind of bummed me out, but im glad I got to see everyone at least once. It was also really great to see my family, especially my sister. But with all the joy I had there, it was definitely hard coming back to what felt like nothing. I know that’s not true because I have Erich, Chrystal and his family, but I don’t have the large core group of friends that I have there. Im hoping I can convince some of my friends to come visit me this summer *hint hint wink wink*!

As some of you may know, I’ve been kind of living of the land so to speak. We eat fresh Salmon caught this summer, fresh moose meat killed this summer, fresh raspberry jam made this summer, fresh eggs from Erich’s dad’s chickens. And now we’ve decided to try Lynx!!! I basically will be eating a very large cat which completely weirds me out and im honestly trying not to think about it like that. Erich has been going trapping lately with a friend of his dad and they caught a lynx on Saturday and since I had been all upset about his new venture and the fact that they don’t use the meat (hello..talk about wasting! At least use it for bait!), I think he brought it home to fuck with me a little bit and to test how much I cared about the situation lol. I figure we can try it and if its horrible, then oh well! Plus, I want to make a pair of earrings out of its teeth. I know that’s also incredibly weird! It must be that im slowly starting to turn into an Alaskan…mayyybbbe (hopefully not permanently). So im going to attempt to make lynx stew. I’ll keep ya updated on how that goes or any other weird animals I may be eating! Wolf? Martin? Who knows whats next in the daily food adventures of nicki!!!

In other news, I can’t seem to take the leap of changing all of my Oregon things to Alaska ones, like my cell phone number, license, license plate. It just seems to permanent for me. Its like I know I live here and will probably live here for at least another two years, but I cant seem to make the jump. Im not sure if its my subconscious telling me something I don’t know or if im just really stubborn and want to test the system, which by the way system, im totally winning since I’ve been here over 3 months and haven’t changed a god damn thing! MWHAHAHAHA!

That’s all the bigger news that’s happened in the past couple of months. I’ll post pictures when we get the internet hooked up at the new house so you can get some visuals to go along with these stories!

Miss and love you all!

Nicki

a little late, but better than never

2010-10-21T16:57:00.000-07:00

So I made the treck to Alaska and I've been here about a month. The drive was long, but not horrible. It definitely would have been much more fun if I had a friend with me...not that I had any room in my car for another person. Here is a short version of the drive:
First day:
Cried like a baby while saying good bye to my mom, cait, and my molly cat. Picked up lucy after getting lost and made our way to seattle. The drive was so much better with lucy! I would have been crying the whole way if it weren't for her. I got to seattle and had lunch with one of my best friends kevy, then we went on a hunt for an H & M poncho i've been drooling over. No such luck! then off to vancouver BC to stay with marissa.
Second Day:
Woke up and went to breakfast with Marissa, then I got a tour of the beautiful Vancouver. Then off i went for the real adventure. It was a gorgeous drive and I decided to push on until dark. I ended up in Quesnel, sleeping in a Walmart parking lot in my car.
Third Day:
I got up pretty early because I was freezing cold and decided to get on the road. It was cold and foggy! I ended up getting pulled over for speeding (suprise suprise) but got away with a warning (not that suprised) :) I passed many super small towns, including Dawson Creek. I said hello to Pacy, Dawson and Joey for my sister :) On the way, I hit some construction stops where I met an awesome australian man that was traveling from Oregon to Alaska as well! and he liked to speed so naturally I followed him. As the sun was setting, I drove past a black bear just munching on the side of the road!!!! I would have stopped if I weren't following the crazy australian :)then drove onto Fort Nelson..let me tell you, that place sucked balls. All of the hotels were crazy expensive (im talking $160 for a super 8 motel) or they looked like I would get raped and murdered. So another night in my car, this time I made a super awesome fort in my car. Blankets/towels on all the windows so no creeper could peek in :) YES im crazy!
Fourth Day:
On the 4th day, I wanted to get the hell out of Fort Nelson, so I woke up extra early and left that place. About 30 minutes after I got out of Fort Nelson, I started to ascend a mountain...which included snow. That was so not what I wanted to drive in, but it actually wasn't bad at all. With the snow came some awesome animals that I got to see. Caribou, mountain goats, bison, eagles and some deer! For a girl that doesn't see those animals unless its in a zoo, I was beyond ecstatic! I stopped to get gas and ran into the australian man again. We both were headed to Laird hot springs! So nice after driving that many days! I ended up at Haines Junction that night at a gas station that had RV spots. I, again, made my fort in my car :)
Fifth and LAST DAY:
My last day, I woke up early so I could get a head start and get to Fairbanks as fast as I could :) The sunrise was absolutely stunning on the mountains. Just breathtaking! Made my last stop to get gas at this creepy town called Beaver Creek. I swear to you that the town was straight out of the Wax House movie!!! I finally made it to Chrystals work at about 3 pm and immediately went to her place to shower and nap. Then I got woken up by my handsome man. It was the best!
Here are some pictures from the trip:
In Vancouver

on the drive with all my shit

I got to drive through a mountain

Gorgeous Sunset

A storm brewing

Caribou

Bison

Amazing Sunset

Sunrise on the last day

Beautiful lake and mountain

and the first weekend, bowling with my baby

I'll try to keep this updated more! i've kinda been dreading writing this so now that its done and over with, i can keep it up :)

I miss you all!!
Love
Nicki

To the most amazing people i've ever met:

2010-09-14T10:54:00.000-07:00

This blog is strictly about showing my appreciation for the people I love and the people that love me back! My life is so enhanced with each and everyone one of you in my life. I honestly couldn't imagine having better friends that I do now..i think its just impossible but i may be a little bit biased :)

Amanda:
I've known you the longest and I cant wait to be 50 and be able to brag about how many years we've been best friends! You are someone that I can always count on to do anything for me. You've been there for some rough times with me, and vice versa. You honestly mean the world to me! I don't think i'd be the same person I am today if it weren't for you. I can't thank you enough for the love and support you've showed me over 16 years that we've known each other! Nothing can stop us from being friends, we were destined to be in each others life and I cant wait to see what life brings you!
You've brought me joy and happiness that no one else can..I love you always and forever best friend :)

Caitlin:
You have been such a joy to be friends with and I feel like we have a connection that I don't have with many other people in my life. Sometimes I feel like we are the same person, in our weird and quirky ways. These quirky ways have brought me closer than ever to you and im gonna miss everything about you! You've been such a good friend to me during one of the hardest parts in my life and I can't thank you enough for the love, support and encouragement you gave me! I feel like in a small way, you were the one that pushed me to be more independent. You helped me grow into the person I am today and I am so blessed that it was you that did that for me. Im going to miss seeing you every day and just the laid back times in our apt! Im going to miss cat watching, jam sessions, late night adventures, and everything in between! I love you so much cait!

Kevy:
You've been the constant guy friend in my life and that means so much to me! You've always supported me to do better in life and with guys. You taught me how valuable I am, which at my low point, i thought I had no value. You taught me unconditional love from someone that wants nothing but friendship. You gave me faith in men when I didn't have any. All those reasons above are why I love you kevin! and if I don't end up marrying erich, you're next on my list :)

Jenn aka jenn bergelicious:
The one thing that comes to mind when I think of our friendship is the lotus flower. We came from the mud of our bad relationships and the outcome of those we're each other. I will never regret the time I was with the ex because he brought me to you! You have flourished my life with humor, love, happiness, sillyness and laughter and all of those memories we have together will always be cherished. We have this indescribable bond with each other like we've known each other for our whole lives and I cant wait for that feeling to be true. You've been such an encouraging and creative person and my life and I have to thank you for letting me be me and loving me for my flaws. You've shown me happiness in the time of darkness! I love you so much sister from another mista

Laurel:
The thing I love most about you is that you speak the truth and you are never afraid to be yourself. Not many people can say that in life! Those are the things I will take away from our friendship. You taught me to be myself and stand up for what I believe in! I know life will bring you exactly what you want because you stand up for what you believe in and don't let anyone push you around. Im really going to miss those silly times with you! I love you tons :)

Sarah:
We've had our moments of friendship that weren't always strong, but we've gotten through them. I am so glad I was able to help you get where you are today in life and I am so proud of all the progress you have made. You are truly a kind soul and I know that soul will bring you great things in life! You are someone I can be so open and honest with and you tend to usually feel the exact same way :) I cant wait to see your new life flourish and to see all the wonderful things happen to you. I love you so much my little mini muffin

Annalee:
Never in a million years would I have thought that I could have found a friend out of the industry! and I am so glad that you are the one. I honestly feel like we are cutting our friendship too short, but I am so grateful for the time we have had! I sincerely hope we can continue this friendship from a far because I have grown to love you and support you, as you do to me. and honey, you are beautiful, sweet, caring, considerate, loving, funny, and just an all around amazing person to know. Please don't let yourself or anyone else think less of you!! I am so honored to have such an amazing friend as yourself. Keep being you and I KNOW amazing things are headed your way. You have way too much good karma for them not to come your way :)

Michaela:
Even though we don't see each other all the time, you still mean as much to me as you did on day 1! you are truly one of the kindest and sweetest people I have ever met in life and I am so grateful to have met you. You have opened my eyes to be considerate of others and give your all or nothing. I truly hope we can continue our friendship from afar and just know that I love you to pieces!

John:
Just like in annalee's case, I could have never guessed I would have found a connection with someone in the crazy mixed up world of modeling. You have been such an amazing piece of my little puzzle in life and I feel like if you weren't in my life, a huge hole would be missing. I can sit with you for hours talking about nothing and everything and I love that about you. When I first met you, I had this instant connection with you and I knew that we would become friends! Over the months, our friendship has grown to mean so much more to me. I will miss you so much and cant wait to see what life brings to you!

Now that Im officially all weepy eyed and fighting back tears, I love each and every one of you for different reasons. You all have added something important to me that I will carry with me for the rest of my life! Every single one of you have an impact on me that I can never truly explain with words because it would be doing it an injustice. Just know that wherever I am, there is a small part of you with me. Those memories are constant in my mind and will remain there for the rest of my life! thank you all from the bottom of my heart, you have no idea how much I love all of you.

“Even though we've changed and we're all finding our own place in the world, we all know that when the tears fall or the smile spreads across our face, we'll come to each other because no matter where this crazy world takes us, nothing will ever change so much to the point where we're not all still friends.”

Hugs and Luvs
Nicki

Too much fun?! NOT POSSIBLE

2010-08-30T11:02:00.000-07:00

So as my moving date inches closer and closer, im really trying to have as much fun as possible before i leave! This means hanging out with as many people/friends/family I can. The past couple of weeks have really been a whirl wind of such awesome people and such amazing times! Here is the lo down on whats been going down.

Falco, Holly and I heard back from the magazine and we unfortunately did not make the cut. Honestly, its too bad for them! We got some amazing images out of that shoot and had so much fun doing it. Here are the pictures from that:

A couple of weeks ago, my roommate and I went floating down the clackamas just by ourselves. It was nice to just have best friend/roomie time and we had so much fun! We had lots of drinks and enjoyed the weather on one of the hottest days of the year..and not to mention the busiest floating day of the year. There were seriously so many people, it was insane. We didn't get any pictures because cait's phone got wet and crapped out on her! oh well...we've got the memories :)

I also had my going away party with my close friends. I was almost going to cancel because 3 of my friends couldn't make it, but my friend annalee convinced me to still have it. Thank god because i had so much fun! I was super pissed at my best guy friend Kevy since he had originally said he was coming into town from Seattle and then bailed at the last second. So Sarah, Cait and I just arrive at Bartini and sit down, when i notice some guy standing next to me..only to look up and see kevy!! Seriously, best surprise EVER!! Of course, everyone knew but ME! So we had many laughs at bartini and then moved onto blue moon across the street. I had so much fun with all my favorite people (minus a few)! I just want to thank everyone who made it and I love each and every one of you <3 Here are some pictures from the night:Kevy and I
The girls

Some of my best friends

Laurel and I

Annalee, John and myself

I also just shot with Pete Springer again! we wanted to do a sports illustrated kind of look on the Oregon Coast. We totally lucked out on the weather and it turned out to be a gorgeous oregon day. I had so much fun with Pete, Christine and Jasper (pete's dog!). The only thing I could have done without was the sand that was in my hair for a week! I swear i took about half the sand from the beach with me lol. I don't have pictures yet from that shoot, but have seen some on his blog and im loving the outcome! ill post the pictures when i get them

Thursday, miss annalee had the great idea of going to Duke's to grab some drinks and dance a little with her friend stephanie that was in town. We'll lets just say that we got more than we bargained for lol. The night went a little like this...drinks, dancing, more drinks, dancing, getting into a verbal fight with a girl the size of shamu, more drinks, meeting new people and then horse fun! We pretty much ended up hot messes by the end of the night, but it was all worth it. I've never been much of a fighter (unless its with my sister lol), but this girl just hit our nerves wrong. First of all, she called annalee's friend a bitch for no reason and then started opening her mouth about us. We lets just say, after a couple of drinks, miss annalee and i weren't going to take it laying down! We had quite the yelling match outside the parking lot with some awesome disses such as "go eat another pancake" (quote from annalee), "go eat another meal you stupid whore", "go have another drink you pregnant bitch"...yea we were class acts that night and clearly have some of the best comebacks haha!
Note to self: do not go out the night before you have to do interviews all day long!
Here are some hilarious pictures from the night:
Started out cute and classy

Feelin it a little more

and HOT MESS ALERT

Then friday, i pretty much slept the rest of the day away after I got off work and saturday too. Then got myself out of bed at 3 and went to the Healy Family bbq. It was good to see my second family since it will be the last time in a good while!

Sunday, annalee and i were off to the Oregon State Fair and we were ready for some rides and lots of bad for you food!! we'll it didn't really work out that way since the first thing i ate was an egg roll and man did it make me feel sick the rest of the day. I finally got home about 5:30 and promptly ran to my bathroom to throw up said egg roll and then rush over to my parents to pick at some salmon (i knew better than to actually have a full meal while being nauseous thanks to previous times). I felt sick all night and still this morning! Remind me to never eat egg rolls again!!!

All in all, i've been having an amazing time with everyone I love. Im going to miss everyone so much, all for different reasons. My next post will be all about my loved ones! Tune in :)

“Truly great friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget.”
hugs and luvs
Nicki

remembering...

2010-08-12T11:06:00.000-07:00

While I was packing, I found a bracelet my grandpa made (he used to make me and my sister jewelry when we were younger) that is gold and has my name on it. My grandpa died when I was about 8 and I never really thought about him much because I was so young when he died which left me with very few memories of him. My memories of him are a little blurry, but since I found that bracelet, I've been trying to squeeze out any possible memories of him. The things I remember most about him is picking fresh oranges with him in the morning, showing me all the cool stones and pieces in his workshop and the way he loved me and my sister. Its amazing that someone that was such a part of your life, can vanish in your memories because you choose to not reflect upon them. I never realized how much I missed him until I found that bracelet. It makes me wish we had more time together, I wish he could see me now, I wish I could hear him be proud of me, I wish I could hear him say I love you just one more time. RIP Grandpa, I promise to remember you often and forever. I've been wearing that bracelet every day since I found it :)

Along the same lines, I wear my grandma's diamond earrings every single day to remember her. She was the kindest person I've ever met. I have more memories of her since she passed away when I was older, but the thing I remember most of her was that she used to sing me and my sister to sleep with Silent Night. That song will forever be one of my favorite songs because of her and I plan on singing it to my children and tell them stories about her. Any time I hear Silent Night, it instantly brings me back to my childhood, cuddled up into the bed, in the room that my mom used to sleep in. Listening to my grandma sing while I stared at the fake candles, flickering in the windows attempting to fall asleep. She would sing to us in such a gentle and soothing tone, her voice honest and caring. Again, I wish she could have seen me grow up, grow into the person I am today. I wish I could hug her again, but most of all, I wish I could hear her sing me Silent Night one more time. RIP Grandma, you'll always be someone I look up to and I promise to pass down the tradition of singing Silent Night to my children to put them to sleep.

In other, not so depressing news, my room has been packed into boxes, packed into the bf's uhaul truck and is currently on its way to Alaska. Having the bf here for those two days made me fall in love with him all over again. Im more excited than ever to start our life together in Alaska! If you asked me a year ago if I thought i'd be moving to Alaska to be with him, I would have said hell no! its amazing how things change, how love and friendship grows, how you can become so attached to someone, how you're future grows before you're very own eyes. Im ready for this change.
Im super excited to drive to Alaska too! I know it sounds crazy! Stuck in a car for 3 + days by myself, sleeping in my car. but Im ready for that adventure too! I asked my roommate to come, but I believe she will be in school so ill be doing the drive solo. Im actually really excited to do it by myself! I plan on taking a good week to do the drive so I can explore the lands, go hiking and sight seeing, visit a good friend in Vancouver, Canada. Its like having two adventures in one trip :) I've got one month and 1 week before I leave...well i guess it kinda depends on when i get my passport! Im hoping to leave by the 16th or 17th of September!

Here is to remembering the ones you love, the ones you lost and the future loves in your life!
hugs and tons of love
Nicki

September or April? that is THE question

2010-08-03T10:56:00.000-07:00

So im definitely moving to Alaska at some point. The decision comes down to is when! September or April? So im making a pro's and cons list for moving in September (which is when all the Alaskan's want me there :))

Pro:
-See the bf sooner (and lots of positives that go with that!)
-Start my new life sooner
-See my best friend go through a wonderful period in her life
-I don't have to wait months to see them all
-I wont have to pay to move (just gas)
-I can transition much easier for school
-I can work without paying rent
-I don't have to move twice (if i moved in april, id move to my parents until then)

Cons:
-I wont have any money saved up
-I wont get that extra couple of months with family/friends and my cat
-I'll have to live without a real bed and other large furniture
-The bf and i will have to rent a place or bounce around since he needs 6 months of pay stubs to get his loan for the house
-I'll have to train the receptionist in that short period of time

So i think i've already made up my mind about going in September (clearly as i've already started packing!!). I went through my bookshelf and started throwing away junk and putting stuff in boxes! i don't know how these crazy alaskans convinced me to move in september...i fully believe they are conspiring against me so ill move there in september!

Another thing thats been bothering me.."models"! just because you have some shitty pictures on your facebook does not make you a model. I understand, we all had to start somewhere, but if you've been doing this for more than 6 months and still haven't worked with anyone remotely good, then you are not a model! Maybe putting some effort into your shoots would do some good. When i shoot, I think hard about a theme or feel and then base my make up, hair and styling off that theme or feel. Don't just pick whatever in your closet that makes you look the sluttiest and trashiest! pick an outfit and accessories that complement what you want out of the shoot. When I first started, I new I had to invest a little money in getting some good shots. No i didn't pay a photographer, but I shot with the best photographer I could find and would pay to have my make up done. It really makes the world of difference! For my very first shoot, I did my own make up and what I would consider heavy, but it barely showed up in the pictures. I realized I had to make it more dramatic if i was going to continue my own make up. Thats why I hired a couple of make up artists and I really learned some tricks from them! I also had to invest in some clothing that would work with the shoots I was trying to accomplish. No you don't have to go and buy a whole new wardrobe! go and buy some cheapie pieces of clothing (i always try and get pieces I could wear in my every day life).
I've just really been bothered by some "models" that added me on facebook and say they are models. Stop working with your friends that you think take good pictures, because lets face it, they suck and make you look bad! stop doing your own make up because you clearly don't know what you're doing and buy a wardrobe that doesn't look like outfits hookers would wear! and while im at it, stop updating your damn status every fucking hour. I don't know who you are so i could care less about your life! WHEW that felt good to get that out :)

One week till the boyfriend comes in town!!!! Im so excited! I'll have all tuesday to just hug and love on him :) then he starts packing up his uhaul on wednesday and will see some guy friends of his while hes here. Count down till Tuesday begins NOW!

Its a bitter sweet kinda day for me :)

Love you all more than I could express
Nicki

Roasting and toasting

2010-07-29T11:09:00.000-07:00

Well its time to update once again! aren't you excited?!
Shooting: Well I just shot with Julian once again. We we're going for a very Parisian museum feeling. I think we achieved what we set out to get! He cracks me up every time I see him and man does he make a mean vodka cran :) They've got tons of weddings/parties planned for the next couple of months so hopefully ill get called in to help out and hang out with the gang!

I also just shot with MrTPDX (aka Josh) again and he is always so much fun to shoot with. I think i laugh the most during shoots with him! "be angry, now be sad, i want to see happy". I jokingly call him the bi-polar photographer! We really wanted a vintage, almost bridget bardot kinda feel. Very old classic beauty! here are the results:

Brewfest: My roomie, her boyfriend and I all headed out to the brewfest last satuday to enjoy some sun and some good beers. Well it was ridiculously busy and way too hot for my liking! Standing under a tent while waiting 20 minutes for a beer was miserable. I swear i almost passed out a couple of times. We decided to leave after two hours of being disgustingly hot. Then when we we're leaving we walked past the fountain in downtown and had to enjoy it! Moments like these just make me incredibly happy and fortunate to have such great people in my life :)

Tonight: I get to see my very best friend in the whole entire world! we've known each other since 3rd grade and have been inseparable since then. Teachers used to joke that we were twins or conjoined at the hip. Sometimes, ill run into teachers from grade school and the first thing they ask is "do you still hang out with amanda?" and my answer is always "yup we're still best friends after all these years!". When we played basketball with boys on recess, we would always tell them that we come as a package deal :) It honestly shocks me that a friendship can last so long. We've been through some rough times when we were younger such as fighting over the same guy, having our own problems, dealing with family issues, but its made our friendship so much truer and stronger. Heck even a move to a different state couldn't stop us from being best friends! We've both changed and grown a lot as people, but we can still connect in a way that is so amazing. Even if months pass and we haven't talked, we can get together and its like we saw each other yesterday! She will honestly be the person I miss the most when I move. We've always been there for each other and I know she will be there for me when I move, but ill miss those times were we just hang out together :(

Weekend: Tomorrow, miss holly comes into town to stay with me for the night so we can wake up early and shoot with my absolute favorite photographer, John! Im super excited for this shoot and know it will turn out awesome. Hopefully everything goes smoothly with us and the make up artist since i've never used her before. Keep your finger and toes crossed! Then saturday night, ill probably go visit miss annalee doing promo work at the Cheereful Tortoise. Sunday will be filled with floating down the river and then dinner with my parents.

The moving front: we'll i've talked to my parents and the plan is to move back in with them at the end of september when my lease is up. This will help me save almost a pay check and a half each month!!! I'll totally be able to pay off my credit cards, while saving up enough money for moving costs as well as a couple of months worth of car payment/car insurance and cell phone. The guy wants me there ASAP but i just cant do it. First of all, it makes me sick thinking about all the stuff i would have to do and secondly, i refuse to not have money saved up and have to depend on him to pay my bills! If its meant to be, our love can wait! Im so excited for him to come here in a couple of weeks to pick up his stuff!!! im seriously going to snuggle and kiss him to death! maybe trap him in my bedroom so he cant leave :)

well thats about all folks! not a whole lot of exciting stuff going on.

"Even though we've changed and we're all finding our own place in the world, we all know that when the tears fall or the smile spreads across our face, we'll come to each other because no matter where this crazy world takes us, nothing will ever change so much to the point where we're not all still friends."

hugs and luvs
Nicki

Its official, im officially nutty!

2010-07-20T13:07:00.000-07:00

So its been a little while since I've posted but I've been super busy with life so this is just a recap of everything thats been going on and some random musings for the day.
First off, the receptionist went on vacation for two weeks to get married and honeymoon so I had to cover for her. Then there was a day and a half between our vacations. If you didn't know, I went for a two week vacation to Fairbanks, Alaska to see my best friend and boyfriend that just moved back up there (we'll get to that topic in a minute). I had tons of fun of course. My bestie, Chrystal, showed me around Fairbanks again and showed me a good time in her town. We also went to Denali National Forest for two days of exploring. If you ever have a chance to visit Denali, DO IT! its the most incredibly serene and outstandingly beautiful place. Its one of those place you should go to just to marvel at the beauty of the earth and everything that has been created. I honestly just wanted to frolic in the un-touched earth while wearing a flowy skirt with flowers in my hair (sorry the hippie in me came out!).
Here are some pictures from my trip:
Chrystal and I:

Baby Moose in Denali:

You cant tell me you don't want to go frolicking in that?

Just one of the reasons why I love my bestie:

We went to Jeff King's (4 time Iditarod winner) house where he trains and breeds dogs for sledding. That meant we got to play with PUPPIES!!! talk about heaven :)

Random flower picture i took

Entertaining myself..yes im strange:

This is Chrystals dog Ollie. Im a sucker for dog/cat mini teeth:

Chrystal wanted to show me the night life so we did a girls night out:

My man and I spending a day together:

Chrystals sister just had a baby girl so i was in baby heaven!!!

So thats basically my alaskan vacation in a nutshell. Except for the major news that the boyfriend is in love with me and im completely smitten with him. He also asked me to move there. So this will probably be the biggest update of all...im moving to alaska! Thats if all things go correctly. I know I know! im officially nutty! but before you say "nicki, what the hell are you thinking", i feel like i should tell people how i've felt since i've been back. I have this constant and I mean constant anxiety. It feels as if someone is slowly pushing on my heart and making it ache for him. Since being home, my life just isn't as fun, not as fulfilling, not as exciting, its just not...there. I almost feel like im lying by putting on this happy face to everyone when in reality i feel lost and lonely without him. I miss his touch, I miss his kiss, I miss his goofiness, I miss his smile and the way it makes me melt, I miss looking into his eyes but most of all I just miss him! I know its completely corny (hell its retardly corny for even me) but I didn't realize how I would feel until he was gone. I think theres some saying out there that you don't realize what you've got till its gone and thats exactly how i feel! So my lease is up at the end of September, but I just don't feel mentally, physically or financially prepared to make the move that early. So im thinking at the end of winter would be ideal since the roads are too scary to drive during the winter by myself. Its something I need to discuss with the boyfriend because I literally had a heart attack last night while talking to him on the phone about all the things I had to do if I did move in September. I just don't feel like its possible at all!

so after that news, i've got some modeling updates as well. When I was in Seattle a couple of months ago, I shot with Gray and posted some pictures.
Holly, Falco and I have still not heard about our submission to the Seattle magazine but last I read was that they were pushing back the submission date and making the volume bigger. So i still have hope that we'll make it!
Since ive been back, I've been setting up and talking with a shit ton of photographers about shoots. I'll definitely be a crazy bee in the next month!
Upcoming shoots:
Julian on Wednesday
Mr T aka Josh next Tuesday
Holly comes into town friday to shoot with The Morty aka John on Saturday
(503) aka Joe on August 7th

and im in talks with a couple other photographers! seriously i told you guys im nuts :)

My random musings for today is...I think I might be OCD. maybe just slightly but I think its possible. My main OCD tendency is that at work, im always moving things back into their "correct" position. Like staplers, stamps, rubber bands, ect. The receptionist probably thinks im nuts (im sure like all you do) because im always rearranging things to be in the right spot. Or im refilling things like the binder clips container but thats mainly because she doesn't do it and it drives me bonkers. So there is my random about me for today :) DON'T JUDGE ME ;)

Hope everyone has a wonderful rest of the week!
Love yourself and others will love you back

Nicki

Someday Somehow

2010-06-08T10:00:00.000-07:00

As I walk out slowly into the darkness,
with the only light that is false,
i can hear nothing. nothing but my own
nothing but my own senses, heart beat and breath
as i grasp this feeling of solitary,
in the dark quite world that i'm in
it feels like a new life
something so inexperienced that it should be treasured,
held closely to your heart
to remember again, someday somehow

A poem I wrote while I sat outside at 330 am taking a break from studying, i may or may not have been hallucinating from the lack of sleep. I oddly found the darkness of the night so soothing to my soul. It actually kinda makes me want to stay up that late more often...kinda :)

Well ive finished two of three finals! I'll be finishing up the last one hopefully by wednesday and then ill be done for the term. I don't think i've ever been so relieved to be done with a term. This term has just completely broken down my soul and heart. I can have a life again, I can paint again, I can run more often, I can sleep (my personal fav!), I can play with my friends again! FREEDOM! I can taste it on the tip of my tongue

Upcoming events/things I'm excited for:
Getting my haircut today
Ryan Seacrests graduation party on friday(not the real Seacrest!)
Possibly going to Kahneetah with miss annalee on sunday
SUN
Seacrests actuall graduation ceremony
Hopefully eating cheeseburgers with John at some point
Miss annalee's bday party at the beach
ALASKA ADVENTURE
Holly coming into town to shoot with The Pimpest of Pimps

LIFE IS GOOD

its like riding a bike..that wants to kill you

2010-06-04T10:34:00.000-07:00

So with my crazy schedule going on for the past three months, i've had little to no free time to run and work out. I had also been eating like crap because of how stressed out I was. I had known that I was gaining a little weight and I wasn't exactly happy with it, but I guess I didn't realize how much weight I gained in 3 months. I had to go to the doctor for some severe neck/back pain a couple of weeks ago and of course they weigh you (i don't own a scale, i just go by how i feel and look). So I stepped on the evil weigher of death and it showed that I gained about 10-15 lbs since my last visit...well shit, who knew you could gain that much in just 3 months?! I sure as hell didn't!

So now that things with school are starting to settle down (next week are my finals), i've been making the effort to run and eat healthy again. Ya know, running is like riding a bike, but when you haven't done it consistently in 3 months, your body is like..."ehh running, instead of running, i think ill just slowly kill you on the sidewalk". Thats such a wonderful way to die, gasping for air, clutching your sides and reaching for you apt 300 ft away while you slowly swagger back and forth trying to make your legs move. but guess what body?! im the fucking owner of you and I will kill YOU so suck it up! so i've been pushing my body, i know probably not smart, to run farther and farther each time so I can work back up to my minimum of a 4 mile run. Last night I made it about 2.5 miles which is okay but it was still a struggle and my body most definitely felt like dying on the sidewalk last night. But what amazes me about myself is the will power and strength my mind holds. When my body says "oh hey lets just stop here", I push myself mentally to fight my bodies urge to stop. Seriously, if people could here what I say to myself in my head, they would think im a nut! Im constantly saying "you can do this", "you're so close", "don't you want to get farther than this" or "don't be a fucking pussy, fucking run harder, longer and faster". Yes i cuss to myself while running! it actually works wonders lol!

Then this made me realize about all the people that complain. why are you complaining when you could be doing something about it? I complained once to my bf about how I was getting fat (note: not literally fat, just fat for my own personal liking) and then I said to him, "ya know what? I shouldn't be complaining to you. I should be doing things to fix the things im not happy about" and I did. Its amazing what a little will power and the strength can do for the things you're unhappy about! If you want something so bad, get out there and get it! nothing is stopping you but yourself!

So i guess this is kind of an inspirational post that you can do whatever you want, all you have to do is have some will power and strength to back it up! go out there and fulfill your dreams and goals, whatever they may be.

hugs and luvs
Nicki

fucking LOVE

2010-05-25T10:09:00.000-07:00

okay im too excited to not post this. So i went up to seattle to shoot this last weekend with Michael Falco and Holly Nikole (love that girl) as well as Gray again. The shoot with Falco was for a submission in the Seattle mag, Imposter. Umm i just have to toot my horn a little bit and say that these pics are amazing. literally the best work i've ever done. Not only did it exceed my expectations, it was tons of fun while doing it! I so wish I could post some of the pictures but until we know if the magazine will be using them (which they would be seriously stupid not to..they're THAT good!), we can't post any of the work! and whats even worse is that im the most impatient person ever. I hate waiting for anything and especially something im so damn excited to share!

I also shot with Gray again and those turned out very cute. We did some cute shots in this old building that was being fixed up so it was still in construction faze. Then we wondered over to the lot next to the building which was a beach with this amazing wooden fort! i cannot wait to see those too! Think bathing suits and nudes in a wooden fort :)

just had to share my excitements for today!
Hope everyone is having a wonderful love filled day because everyone deserves a loved filled day!

lots of love and kisses
Nic

PS i probably should have prefaced this with the fact that I got 3.5 hours of sleep...so it may be a little incomprehensible

Fashion Show, Shooting and a new ponder

2010-05-20T10:37:00.000-07:00

So here is my update as of late. I haven't been shooting nearly as much as I used to be because of school (aka hell) but a girl has got to have a mental break every now and then and do what i love. So i've been making the time to still shoot and do shows just to release my stress!

I did the Open Season show for the Mercury with two wonderful designers! I first got signed up for Reif Haus and can I just say that her clothes are AMAZING! Completely my style and the feeling I like to wear. If I had tons of money right now, I would go out and buy her whole collection! When I was at rehearsal, I ran into another designer that I worked with on her collection that actually got me my first publication. She had a model cancel last minute, so nicki to the rescue and I also modeled for her line, R.A.W. Lingerie. With fashion shows, there is always tons of down time between getting hair and make up to the actual show...some how im always one of the last to get my make up done though! Waiting around involved shots of whiskey and lots of girl chat! FUNSIES! Here are some pictures from the show:

Designer: Reif

Designer: R.A.W.

and lets not talk about the crazy eyebrows they gave me :) although those caterpillars did get me hit on a lot later that night. Funny story after the show, Anna (intern for designer Reif and good friend of one of my best friends) were on our way to go pick up our friend Laurel when we got lost and had to turn around. I guess I should preface this next part with the knowledge that I drive like a crazy person. I drive fast, I run over things (curbs, branches, small children..no big deal), sometimes do cali stops and my car has always been a trouper! Well when I was turning around, there was a curb and I basically said "fuck it, my car can handle that bitch". Yea guess whos the bitch and its definitely not the curb! I realized I popped my tire (yes going over a curb!) after driving a couple of blocks. Thankfully laurel came to our rescue and called AAA.

About a week or two ago, I again shot with The Morty, a good friend and fellow cheeseburger lover! Every time we shoot together, I always end up with incredible work, hence why i continue to shoot with him. We wanted a rocker, sexy, edgy, grungy feel. So I did my styling, make up and hair with that feel in mind. Here is some of the work from that shoot:

Then last thursday, I got to shoot with the talented and fabulous duo, Julian and Raven, once again. Im always so happy to come in and shoot with them and let me tell ya, it had been a while! Julian just cracks me up, he always starts off with one idea so I came in thinking I was going to be a celtic goddess and I ended up swept up on the beach and a roman goddess. I guess that happens when your imagination is always running! and I have to say, every time I see miss raven, she absolutely astounds me with her creativity. This woman just oozes creativity! Here are some of the final outcome:

This weekend, Im leaving a little early from work tomorrow to drive up to Seattle to shoot with Michael Falco and Holly! We've been talking about this for so long and im so excited its finally here. Except miss holly is sick, so i've been sending get well vibes to her so she can still rock the shoot with me! I've been working on two incredible head pieces for this shoot and I cannot wait to show you all what I've made. This has brought on a new thought for me (hence my new ponder). I really love to do styling on shoots. Its probably one of my favorite aspects in modeling! I love trying to create a look or feel out of clothing and accessories. So i think once school is over in June, i'm going to focus on making accessories and offering my services for shoots. We'll see how that will turn out and i'll let ya know.

Every day life is pretty much the same. Wake up, work, home, sometimes school, if no school, homework, possibly hang out with the boyfriend if I don't feel guilty about not doing homework, then sleep. Repeat! its kinda like ground hogs day...but more boring and way more fucking stressful. I don't think ive said this enough in my past couple of posts, but I cannot wait for this term to be over ;) I think I may just get wasted for a week straight to celebrate the fact I didn't die or kill myself!

Well im signing off to go be productive at work.
My words of wisdom for the day:
Love yourself first, before anyone else can love you

hugs and luvs
nicki

Tennis ARM?!

2010-04-16T11:06:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was the first time in weeks i was able to do something physically active and since it was so nice, roomie and i decided to go play tennis. For those that don't know me, i don't actually play tennis. Roomie and i were vintage shopping one day and found a great deal on tennis rackets and thought it would be a good idea for a fun physical activity. And holy hell does my right arm hurt! whoever thought of the name tennis elbow should have thought of the name tennis arm because my whole right arm is throbbing with pain! but man did we have fun. I haven't laughed that hard in so long. It was one of those constant laughs that makes you cry. My favorite kind of laugh :)

Lately, i've been so overwhelmed with life in general. Some days it feels like im slowly sinking in quick sand and the more I struggle to free myself, the faster I sink. The urge to get moving faster, the urge to type faster, the urge to read faster...it all just slowly makes me heavier and I sink faster. Its been this way at work and then I go home and its that way with school, and then to top it off I've had personal issues with a long time friend and the boyfriend. I couldn't have predicted the sudden increase in my work or personal difficulties, so I loaded up on classes this term which is seemingly a bad idea at this point. But fear not my followers, there is light at the end of the tunnel! I've managed to kick ass at work over the past two days and have caught up and now I'm just working on stuff that was put off and not that important (aka busy work) and last night was the first time I was able to actually understand my Computer Software Design class (...now i just have to work on that whole accounting class deal ha).
The one thing that annoyed me even more when I was struggling in life was when people kept saying "you just have to get through it", "just put your head down and focus" and so on. Hello people, what the hell do you think im doing?! im not giving up, im not twittering my thumbs and watching it all pile on top of me. Im struggling to stay afloat and your "inspirational" words are NOT helping! but what i've realized now that im feeling positive and optimistic again, is that they're right. yes life happens, sometimes it can feel like your being bogged down but "this too shall pass".
A quote that has really made me think is "Everyting negative - pressure, challenges - is all an opportunity for me to rise". Its SO true! its just an opportunity for me to shine and show that I can move on and overcome these challenges! I have, I will and i'll do it all over again when the time comes!

With all my struggles lately, I really haven't had time to shoot let alone do anything else. I did do an amazing shoot before school started with my absolute favorite photographer/friend, The Morty (http://www.mortyshots.com/Welcome.html). If you ever get a chance to shoot with him, I can guarantee you that you will come out with some amazing images and have tons of fun while getting them. He's become a really great friend through all of our shooting together (and we're birthday twins!!). Here are some of my favorite shots from our shoot at the beach:

(I did all the styling and make up/hair for these shots)

and then here is one shot from a fun shoot with the Wilde clan:
The Beast

And I've got a shoot planned in Seattle in May with Michael Falco and one of my favorite models, Holly. We've been trying to pin down a date and its finally set so we are in the brainstorm faze and bouncing ideas of each other. What we've discussed so far is amazing and tune in for those in May. They are going to be awesome, I can just feel it! I'm also planning a shoot with a photographer that goes by Gene and that should give me some edgy shots to add to my portfolio. We're still in the trying to figure everything out phase as well so we will see what we come up with but I've got some good styling ideas!

Well thats all for now folks! and ill leave with you a quote from my favorite philosopher, Ralph Waldo Emerson:
"Most of the shadows of this life are caused by our standing in our own sunshine"
Now lets not stand in our own sunshine today, or tomorrow or the next :)

Love you all,
Nicki

Do you think I should invent a caffeine IV?

2010-03-10T10:48:00.000-08:00

Seriously, with the amount of caffeine I consume each day, you'd think id be wired and bouncing off walls. but in fact it barely keeps me awake and functioning throughout the day. Im seriously considering inventing an IV drip that just filters caffeine into your blood stream. Can you imagine that? i need it and want it!

So as usual, ive been crazy busy shooting.
WATERGATE: gray: (ps i got stung by stinging nettles on this shoot..yea im pretty much bad ass and an all around cool chick)

By Pete Springer or as i like to call him Petey! The first photo was too risque for FB OH MY

By IBeauty Photography aka Tom:

LOVE this headshot! ive been waiting to do this idea for forever now and im so glad it all came together! thanks to fabulous aimee j'adore for working her make up magic

So all in all, shooting has been super great for me lately. I've been getting good amounts of paid work as well as working with photographers to add new things to my port. In the next two or three weeks ill be heading to agencies. This is kinda a make it or break it situation for me. If i don't get signed, i think it may be my time to stop the modeling. Reasons below:

As you all know, im in school trying to get my associates so that I can move on to a bachelors. Well im 33 credits away from getting my associates and I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY..did i mention REALLY, want to be finished with it. Im tired of school and need a break! So for the next couple terms, im just going to buckle down and take as many classes as i think I can possibly take while still maintaining good grades. This leaves little to no time for modeling. I really need to make school a focus and a priority in my life if im going to do this hard and fast (ohh dirty minds!). So i guess if i get signed, then ill take it slower than i'd like but if not, ill bust it out at school (damn how did a paragraph about school get so dirty sounding?!)

Anyways thats my deal currently for whoever is reading this thing!
"You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late"

crazy day

2010-02-11T08:01:00.000-08:00

First of all, I just found out fashion designer Alexander McQueen committed suicide! what a sad day for fashion. Honestly, he had everything going for him, such amazing designs and creativity flowing through him.

Secondly, My best friend went through some emotional things on tuesday. Unfortunately she lives in Alaska and I am not able to be there for her like I would like to. Not a good day at work when you get bad news from you bf and cry at work while on the phone with her. She is a strong lady so I know she will bounce back stronger than ever, but she needs a minute to grieve. Please just keep her in your thoughts and prayers.

So i've done two classes at this new female gym/studio and damn do my abs hurt. This better be getting me a toned tummy!!! Miss annalee and I have been doing them so we're hoping to see good results. Saturday morning we're doing aerial yoga. Wish me luck that i don't get tangled up in this "harness" they speak of ha! Then we are rewarding ourselves with IHOP...i know i know totally counter productive but hey if you got your ass kicked for a week straight, you'd want IHOP too damnit!

I haven't really been shooting a whole lot. I feel like im constantly going. Remember the energizer bunny? yea thats me but im not fueled by batteries (man do i wish it was that easy), im fueled by mass amounts of caffeine. Kinda sad when starbucks knows your name/order and they get confused when you up your caffeine intake. Its kinda like cheers for me when i go there, my home away from home.

The boyfriend is good. We don't really have any issues and its definitely my best relationship yet. I guess our only "issue" is that he feels like our morals and values are different. I grew up VERY liberal and he grew up conservative. So im not sure how that will affect us later on in our relationship. OH GOD valentines day is coming up?! i never know what to get a guy on vday..its like do you want roses that will just die and you wont appreciate or do you want chocolate even though you hate chocolate?!? crap. god we woman are so easy, get us some damn flowers and some chocolate and if you really want to be sappy, get us a card too! easy peasy!

Well i hope everyone is having a fantastic thursday (one more day till friday...yes!). Love those that are important in your life and tell them often :)

PS i love kiwis

busy busy busy

2010-01-28T15:35:00.000-08:00

So things are going very well for me. Im busy and exhausted but its all worth it. Ive been shooting like a mad woman and now i can say its finally all paid off. I am being published in the Portland Mercury!!! my very first publication! Here is the link:

http://www.portlandmercury.com/portland/sold-out/Content?oid=2124583

The shoot was for RAW lingerie and it was the first picture i've seen of the shoot!

Other news, I shot with Don Conrad a little while ago, and got some great pictures out of the deal. I just recently shot The Morty again and I always love his stuff. Shot with the fabulous Julian and Raven once again. They are like family to me! This weekend, ill be a live mannequin for RAW lingerie on friday night and then ill be shooting with Pete Springer again on Saturday. Busy busy busy like i said :)

Sorry for the lack of posts, don't really have the time between work, school, modeling and the boyfriend. it hard balancing everything!

luvs ya all
nicki

Wheww!

2009-12-11T15:04:00.000-08:00

So in my normal life ive been very busy with school and studying for finals. Thankfully i finished my last one wednesday..grades haven't been posted but im dying (okay yes a little dramatic) to know if i passes statistics with a C. I rocked my micro econ test :) Also found out ill be getting my HUGE christmas bonus. Seriously, ive been freaking out for months of what i was going to do about presents and now i can breath again.

I've been taking a break from shooting just to focus on the end of the term. But i recently shot with The Morty and let me say his work is awesome and so is he. He is one of those photographers that I instantly clicked with and could see turning into a friend. Good stuff! Well here are some of my favorites (soo hard to choose since i literally loved them all):

This weekend ill be hanging out with my best friend since 3rd grade, then hitting up a bday party for fellow model and then if the weather reports are true (snow with freezing rain) ill be hanging out at home painting and reading. Sounds like a wonderful weekend to me :)

Enjoy your day and just know that your beautiful!
hugs and luvs
nicki

Updates on both lives :)

2009-11-20T11:22:00.000-08:00

Modeling:
I haven't really been shooting much since I've been so busy with school. Im getting that itch to get in front of the camera again. So i've been in talks with a couple photographers..some new some old. Im talking to Tom from Ibeauty Photography (i cant recommend him enough!) and throwing some ideas around. I love that we can just bounce ideas of each other and figure out what we both want to get out of our shoot! I seem to always put tons of effort into our shoots because I want them to be the best they possibly can be. When shooting with him, i feel like I can really tap into my creative side with the styling and make up ideas which is something I also love to do!
Im also talking to a couple new photographers I haven't worked with which is exciting. The morty is one of the Portland photogs ive been discussing with so we set up a date to shoot on the 29th! Im super excited to shoot with him since i've heard amazing things about him and i absolutely adore his work!!

Normal life:
Well like I said above, im crazy busy with school. Its getting to be more difficult than i expected. I spent all last sunday studying for my second mid term for statistics and completely bombed it! no bueno. thankfully I still have a passing grade but i just have to study way more than I expected for tests and especially the final EEEK!!!!
Life with the guy is more than complicated. One day i cant be happier to be with him and want a relationship, then the next day i realize we are completely wrong for each other. I know we probably wont last much longer but im having fun while it lasts!
Work has been pretty sporadic, one day im swamped and running around like a chicken with its head cut off and then the next day (like today) ive got absolutely nothing to do.
On my off time from work and school, ive been running still and focusing on painting and tapping into my creative side. Its amazing to get back to something I love and feel a new appreciation for it!
Now for some pictures YAY
Here is a picture i took of haystack rock at cannon beach a couple weekends ago:

Fashion dahling: Im dying for these shoes! i want these and NEED these! ahhh mini shoegasm

Oye the dramz

2009-11-06T11:21:00.000-08:00

First ill start off with the drama..im sure thats more interesting for people to read about.

I work early in the mornings so most of the time I go to bed pretty early. Last night, im sleeping away and I get a phone call..from a photographer I shot with on my very first modeling shoot. I didn't answer it because it was late and i was half awake. So as the photog (for you none industry people, thats photographer) is leaving a voicemail, i read the wonderful text he had sent me. Something along the lines of "i think we need to talk. Im hearing you're out talking shit about me." Let me start off by telling you this photographer has one of the worst reputations out there in the industry, in fact I had heard bad things about him before I even started modeling. Secondly, I did not talk "shit" about this photographer. I simply told a couple of models that asked about him the truth. The truth is that he let the other models get wasted. Not just tipsy, we are talking wasted to the point of having difficulties standing and not getting any pictures taken (and yes i had one drink with these girls but i stopped at one). This was not a good first impression of the photographer, let alone the industry! I would say im sorry, but im not because i did nothing wrong other than speak the truth. If he cant handle the truth, maybe he shouldn't behave the way he does! So of course being me, a person to not hold back how i feel, i told him that i told people the truth when they asked about him. I didn't care there were other people around, i cared that he provided alcohol for these girls and that he was the one that put out this vibe. So of course he insulted me saying the only reason why photographers work with me is because i get naked (which i only do for 1 or 2 of my favorite photographers that i trust and we have a creative vision) and that nobody likes me. Am I the only one that thinks this is hilarious?!? So i write him back and tell him I honestly don't give a fuck what he thinks about me and to have a nice life. And then i get threatened that "i should care..." umm okay. Lets see you bad mouth me and try to ruin my reputation when you have the worst reputation of anyone in the industry in the PDX area...good luck with that buddy!

and now onto happy news :)
I shot with the fabulous Julian Wilde and his wonderful wife Raven last friday. Honestly, they are my favorite duo in this industry. They just ooze creativity and were made specifically for this type of stuff. And I always have to give a big thanks to julian for seeing what I could be. He gave me a chance when no one else would and I cant thank him and his wife enough! I got to be such an awesome angel!!! and we did some video which im sure is just hilarious..i had to run very girly and soft.

Then I shot with Josh aka MrTPdx again. I had originally shot with him and his now ex-wife a couple times in the past so i was excited to meet up with him again and get the creative juices flowing. Well we decided to go to the corn maze on sauvie and man was it muddy (muddy but fun!). We decided no shoes was the best option ha! So much fun with Josh and he just cracks me up. Im glad to hear he's happier than ever and on his way to making his life more positive! Here is a pic from that shoot:

Im doin the blogging deal now

2009-11-05T11:44:00.000-08:00

So this is my very first post on my very new blog! YAY! This is just going to be a place where I talk about the life I live, all the exciting things that happen and all the trouble I get in. There will be venting, there will be fashion talk, there will be pictures :) Get ready for the adventures of nicki...double the life, double the trouble!

First, ill start off with a little bit about myself. I’m sure many people reading this have no idea who I really am and what I do. So here’s your 411 on ME :)

I originally was born in LA, California but moved with my family when I was about 6 or 7 to Oregon. While I completely love Oregon and its beauty, ill always be a girl at heart. I grew up wanting to model, but was never confident in myself to try. Being a shorty didn't help because I thought there was no hope! Over the years I started to build myself up and grew increasingly more confident in myself. Now I can truly say I love every single thing about myself (yes there are things I work on, but overall I’m in love with myself hehe) Well I saw a friend from high school get started on modeling and one day it clicked for me, if she can do it, I can do it! And here I am now, modeling and creating art in the most powerful way for myself. I love every single aspect of the industry and can't wait to continue whether that be a model, a make up artist or a photographer!

Now to the reasoning behind my blog name (double the life, double the trouble). I constantly feel like I live a double life. One is so very mundane and "normal", while the other is so very exciting and some would even consider scandalous. I consider this my double life because not everyone in my normal life knows about my other side. I am very careful with who I share my modeling work with because of the nature of some of the work. My very normal life includes working as a secretary for a steel fabrication company. I really do love my job (..for the most part) and I know everyone loves and appreciates the work I do here. I go to school full time studying business. I hang out with friends and family. See very normal, very blah most of the time. My other life is pretty adventurous, which is the modeling aspect of it. I do nude work which some people consider scandalous or trashy..I call it art (the stuff I do I consider art, none of that porno stuff). Nothing is more exhilarating than getting in front of someone (someone you may not know well or at all) and getting down to your birthday suit!!!

So that’s a little history about me and my double life. There will be quizzes on this later in the week :) Have a good day and ill post soon and update!