birthday extravaganza

Check out this article before you read what I have to say:

Its My Party...

I cannot completely agree more with that article. When did huge parties for a CHILD become this must do thing for a parent? When did spending hundreds of dollars on a party that a child will most likely not remember become the norm? When did buying presents (clothes or toys) for a kid that will outgrow them in a couple of months become customary?

Granted, I am not a mother and will not be one for some time (too selfish I say, plus I'm not really thrilled on the idea of less sleep) so you may take my opinion with a grain of salt if you wish. I can only remember two birthday parties that really stuck out to me as a child and those were my 9th birthday and my 16th. On my 9th birthday, we celebrated by going to Chuck-E-Cheese. That was definitely not the reason why I remembered this particular party, but I specifically remember what my two best guy friends got me (stuffed animals if you must know) and they're thoughtfulness is what makes me remember that party distinctly. The other birthday sticks out to me because a) it was my sweet 16 which is supposed to be an exciting time for a young female b) it was in a hotel c) my sister had her sweet 16 party in a hotel so I of course had to have one in a hotel d) my best friends sister got wasted and proceeded to traumatize my best friend and e) we snuck boys into our hotel suite. Out of 18 birthdays as a kid, I only have distinct memories of two birthday parties. That must tell you something about me or my memory :)

So why is it that parents find the need to create these elaborate parties for their child that they will never remember? I honestly believe its the parents that want the party to either celebrate that they created this omg amazing little human being that they are so unbelievable proud of or the parents want to fit in with the over achieving parents that have elaborate parties for their kids.  In the article I posted, it talks about basically psyching your kid up that their parties will get better and better as they grow older and then the next thing you know, you're on MTV's Sweet 16 spending thousands of dollars and buying your kid a new lexus that they will surely crash or break. Okay Okay, I know thats a little bit dramatic, but obviously some parents end up there! I believe this also relates to the competition between parents and trying to out do one another. As I've said above, I am not a mother but as a bystander of mothers, I can already see the jealousy and the competition that is created between them. They all seem to talk about each other behind ones back about how this one did that thing wrong or how this mom should be doing this or how this moms kid isn't as advanced as theirs is. No wonder people have inferiority complexes! We're always trying to outshine the next person that we come across! Another reason I believe parents to have these types of parties for their kid is the single child complex. No, I'm not talking about the single child complex regarding to the actual child, but I'm talking about it regarding to the parent. As I've seen, most first time parents believe their child is this all special and encompassing thing. That everyone wants to hear about the poop, spit up, first supposed "mama" spoken. It seems to me that their life revolves around nothing but their child regardless if anyone wants to hear about it or cares. These types of parents I believe are the type to throw these huge parties for the 3 yr old in hopes that tons of guests come to ohhh and ahhh over their child like they do day in and day out. To me, its just another way they can gloat about their child and get reaffirmation from others that their child is in fact amazing. In fact, I recently read a blog and the writer, a mother of a 5 yr old girl, threw this large party at what looks like a hotel banquet room ($$$$). The theme of course was princess and the mother made princess crowns, made a homemade fondant cake, all specially themed princess foods and drinks...and even had the babysitter dress up as cinderella. From what I've read on this blog, the mother has the single child syndrome as well as competing with other parents. To me, that whole party is extremely over the top! Would my (future) kid absolutely love it at the time, oh you betcha, but will she remember it in 5 years? No probably not.

I'm sure you're wondering what my parents did for birthdays and what I will plan to do for my future children. Well my parents were never the type to invite my whole class to a big party at some bounce land or whatever was the hip fun thing to do and they were never the type to throw huge parties for me when I got older. In fact, the only reason why I got the sweet 16th bday party at the hotel was because it was only fair since my sister begged to have hers that way when she was 16 (i'm still not sure how she convinced them!). My parents probably gave me a cupcake for my 1st birthday and let me have at it. I probably received little to no presents and I can't say that I wouldn't do much different. I don't even think I would have any sort of party for the the 1st  or 2nd birthday and for the 3rd, I think I would have family over for dinner and thats about it. I don't believe my child will feel left out or emotionally damaged for not having their 1st birthday party at Chuck-E-Cheese or not receiving a bunch of presents. I wouldn't want my future child to be so focused on the material aspect of getting presents and inviting everyone in their class to some laser tag game. I want them to focus on the family bond and that birthdays are a time to remember that life is precious and should be appreciated..even the little things like one single cupcake :)

love,

nicki

PS this wasn't meant towards anyone at all. it was strictly brought on by that article that I read!