its like riding a bike..that wants to kill you

So with my crazy schedule going on for the past three months, i've had little to no free time to run and work out. I had also been eating like crap because of how stressed out I was. I had known that I was gaining a little weight and I wasn't exactly happy with it, but I guess I didn't realize how much weight I gained in 3 months. I had to go to the doctor for some severe neck/back pain a couple of weeks ago and of course they weigh you (i don't own a scale, i just go by how i feel and look). So I stepped on the evil weigher of death and it showed that I gained about 10-15 lbs since my last visit...well shit, who knew you could gain that much in just 3 months?! I sure as hell didn't!

So now that things with school are starting to settle down (next week are my finals), i've been making the effort to run and eat healthy again. Ya know, running is like riding a bike, but when you haven't done it consistently in 3 months, your body is like..."ehh running, instead of running, i think ill just slowly kill you on the sidewalk". Thats such a wonderful way to die, gasping for air, clutching your sides and reaching for you apt 300 ft away while you slowly swagger back and forth trying to make your legs move. but guess what body?! im the fucking owner of you and I will kill YOU so suck it up! so i've been pushing my body, i know probably not smart, to run farther and farther each time so I can work back up to my minimum of a 4 mile run. Last night I made it about 2.5 miles which is okay but it was still a struggle and my body most definitely felt like dying on the sidewalk last night. But what amazes me about myself is the will power and strength my mind holds. When my body says "oh hey lets just stop here", I push myself mentally to fight my bodies urge to stop. Seriously, if people could here what I say to myself in my head, they would think im a nut! Im constantly saying "you can do this", "you're so close", "don't you want to get farther than this" or "don't be a fucking pussy, fucking run harder, longer and faster". Yes i cuss to myself while running! it actually works wonders lol!

Then this made me realize about all the people that complain. why are you complaining when you could be doing something about it? I complained once to my bf about how I was getting fat (note: not literally fat, just fat for my own personal liking) and then I said to him, "ya know what? I shouldn't be complaining to you. I should be doing things to fix the things im not happy about" and I did. Its amazing what a little will power and the strength can do for the things you're unhappy about! If you want something so bad, get out there and get it! nothing is stopping you but yourself!

So i guess this is kind of an inspirational post that you can do whatever you want, all you have to do is have some will power and strength to back it up! go out there and fulfill your dreams and goals, whatever they may be.

hugs and luvs
Nicki